So I started Music Monday to share songs I find to empower me when driving because my panic usually happens in the car, on the highway. Something I have to do everyday for 40 minutes to get to work. Yikes, tricky tricky.
However this edition of Music Monday will not feature music. Because sometimes music does not cut it for me to be honest. Lately I have taken up a new defense mechanism against wandering thoughts and anxious feelings I experience on the road. When it comes to entertainment in regards to tv and books I always gravitate towards uplifting and growth inducing. I love Oprah’s OWN Network with shows like Super Soul Sunday and Lifeclass, where well-known spiritual and thought leaders appear. However with no time to ever actually watch these shows with work and a baby and social obligations, it has been some time since I have seen an episode.
And then I realized that YouTube is a wonderous and resourceful site to find clips or past episodes, sometimes in full. And since I have a YouTube app on my phone and my phone can be plugged into my car, you see where I am going here. And the beauty is, these shows don’t require to watch anything since they are interviews, you just need to listen.
So I have made a YouTube playlist that expands past just interviews with some of my favorite spiritual and motivational speakers on Oprah’s channel. I have some Tony Robbins in there, some guy named Geert in Brussels who is a regular guy who beat anxiety and now has his own little method and tips for dealing, I have some TED Talks on there. So I get in the car, select my playlist and let it play through. Before I know it, I am at work and the time seemed to fly which is what I really need when driving!
To me this is the equivalent of what some people may get out of going to church in the morning, or praying. To fill my mind with such inspiration and motivation and positivity before I even officially start my day has given me a little extra pep in my step. I am the midst of what I know is a passing funk so I can use all the extra pep I can find. And right now I find it on YouTube.
Happy Monday to all. I just realized that my last post was also a Music Monday. Back to back Music Mondays. Eeek. Note to self, write more during the other days of the week!
Today’s edition features a song so near and dear to me. Darlin Do Not Fear by Brett Dennen. This song does worlds for my anxiety and really just because of title line. The song itself is mellow and relaxing in true Brett Dennen fashion which doesn’t hurt. If you do not know him and crave mellow, feel good, calming music but not sleepy music, he may be your man.
For a long time this was the ONLY song I would play when starting to get anxious in the car or feelings of panic would rise. Let me break it down. The chorus goes ” Darlin do not fear, what you don’t really know, cause it won’t last, your worries will pass”.
Do not fear what you don’t really know. I repeat, do not fear, what you don’t really know. This logic really hits me in that sweet spot that turns anxious thoughts into empowering thoughts. This is how it goes.
I’m driving, something triggers an anxious thought, anxious thought turns into ON MY GOODNESS I feel faint, what if I pass out behind the wheel, what if I crash my car and die, what if I get to work and I still feel like this and I cannot function, what if my anxiety is back with vengeance and I need to get on medication and then I can’t wean off, what if what if what if what if what if. Darlin do not fear, what you don’t really know. Inhale, exhale. Darlin do not fear what you don’t really know.
Because isn’t anxiety most times getting wrapped up in hypotheticals. Fearing the unknown. The loss of control. Not knowing sometimes is the biggest trigger of anxiety. Or thinking you know what will happen. We should not fear things we do not know. It’s hard right because anxious people want to know, they want to feel in control, they want to own all the information in the world so they can be prepared. This song reminds me to let go of control and surrender. Surrendering control of the unknown feels good if you can get yourself to do it. Playing this song on repeat when I am struggling with that grounds me. It reminds me to take each moment as it comes and to not get wrapped up in fearing all these made up situations in my head and focus on what is real and what is in front of me and what I can control. My thoughts and my breath. (And yes I know controlling your thoughts is hard!)
Till next time ( promise, before Monday!)
Happy Monday! So I have decided to start something new called “Music Mondays”. What does that have to do with anxiety? Everything! At least for me it does.
I would estimate that 80% of my anxiety attacks and panic happen when I am in the car, alone. I would estimate that 5% of my anxiety happens prior to driving when anticipating an upcoming drive. Let’s say 2% is residual anxiety that last all day after having anxiety and panic attack in the car that day, the lingering effect. That leaves only 13% that is not car and driving related. So having the right tunes in the car for both distraction, and sometimes motivation and strength is very crucial to my anxiety disorder. It is important that I am equipped with the right playlist. So every Monday I will share one song from my “Anxiety Fighting” playlist. I will tell you why it helps me and maybe just maybe it can help you.
I will kick off the very first one with “Age of Worry” by John Mayer. This song sings like an anthem. It is meant to be sung out loud, on the top of your lungs, victoriously as the chorus insists. Knowing a lot about John from a minor (sometimes major) obsession, I know he suffers from anxiety so this song rings a bit more authentic to me knowing that. Sometimes I hear songs that may sound like the person is speaking about anxiety and such but not really knowing their background can make you question their authority. It is easy for anyone to sing “Don’t worry be happy” if they have never suffered.
So some lyrics:
“Alive in the age of worry
Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And say, “Worry, why should I care?”
But for this one, for me, it is more than the lyrics. It is the chanting way in which he delivers them. Pretty much telling worry to F’ off, and I can appreciate that!
Something about telling worry off helps minimize the anxiety and panic and helps take a bit of control back. (At least for the 3 minutes or so, while the song last)
Happy Monday and Happy Listening
“All at once, the world can overwhelm me
There’s almost nothing that you could tell me
That could ease my mind.”
All at Once – Jack Johnson
When I was a little kid the news had to be shielded from me. Upon catching wind of a meteor that was possibly headed our way, I wore my bike helmet in the house for a week. Upon hearing about the Oklahoma City bombing, I could not go anywhere without fixating my eyes on the exit and devising an escape route in my mind. And I looked at everyone as a suspect. These are a few examples. I would like to say as an adult times have changed, however times have NOT changed. I don’t have that detachment that many people can achieve when hearing about tragedy. Yes it makes other people feel sad, and they feel sympathy for those involved and the families but then they mostly can go about their day. I wish for that. I cannot go on with my days, weeks and sometimes months after hearing about tragedy. I carry it with me. I was never that person that thought they were invincible and had that ” it would never happen to me” mentality. I have the “Oh my goodness that could be me!” train of thought. Hello anxiety, no wonder you are ever presence in my life.
Lately I have been brought way down by the events and state of the world. I cannot tell if things are just really really bad right now, or it is the same level of evil and tragedy and bad that was always there, but when you are young you tend to not hear about it all, and with social media you hear about EVERYTHING that normally your regular newspaper or news channel might not cover. Either way I have had to stay off of Facebook because I was exposed to some horrific images, and tragedy after tragedy with people sharing news stories that I tend to avoid by not watching the news or reading the newspaper. I am not like you. I cannot go about my days.
It stops me in my tracks, it invades my mind and takes over and does not let go for weeks. And people in my life know it. They avoid talking to me about something they heard in the news, they stop the conversation about it the minute I walk in the room and they refuse to engage me if I keep pestering for more information because they know how I will internalize that information.
“Which way will you run, when it’s always all around you, and the feeling lost and found you again, a feeling that we have no control.” All at Once, Jack Johnson
So what am I to do? Bury my head in the sand and only watch things with puppies and babies and sunshine and rainbows? This is not realistic. I am trying to find the balance between compassion without taking it all on. What I have been doing lately is switching up my gratitude journal. Instead of 5 things I am grateful for each day, I write 5 beautiful things about the world. Trying to counter balance the negative. It is something, and it helps but it is not enough. So for all you normal people out there who can watch and read the news without crawling into fetal position and feel like the world is crashing around you, I am open to your insights and words of positive encouragement.
“I miss the days my mind would just rest quiet
My imagination hadn’t turned on me yet
I used to let my words wax poetic
But it melted a puddle at my feet now
It is a calcifying crime, it’s tragic
I’ve turned to petrified past life baggage
I want to disappear and just start over
So here we are
And I’ll breathe again…
Cause I have sent for a warrior
From on my knees, make me a Hercules
I was meant to be a warrior please
Make me a Hercules” – Hercules, Sara Bareilles
I am having an off morning. One filled with sleep deprivation, foggy mind and anxious thoughts about future things that may not happen. I feel like a table with a wobbly leg, or an umbrella on an extremely windy day. I need to be stabilized; I need to get back to sturdy. For times like these I tell myself to “Sturdy Yourself”. Now if only it was as easy as just telling myself to “Sturdy Yourself” but that is just not going to be enough. So what do I do, I sturdy myself with an action plan.
Sturdy Yourself in Facts
The first thing I do is anchor myself in facts.
Fact # 1 – I did not sleep good last night
Fact # 2 – I have not been drinking enough water, dehydration can make the brain not as sharp.
Fact # 3 – I have a lot on my plate, it is okay to feel anxious and a little stress, it is within reason.
Laying out the facts gives you a better view of the landscape of your mind at this time. It is easy to get caught up in “Why am I feeling this way, why can’t I just feel good.” Work through it, pinpoint why you may be feeling this way. Be your own therapist. Dig a little. But don’t over analyze. Let the facts be the facts. With facts you can feel less overwhelmed.
Sturdy Yourself with Breath
I am known to hold my breath or not take proper inhale/exhales. I believe that not breathing correctly keeps feelings trapped. So I let bad thoughts and feelings out through my breath. I visualize them leaving me with every exhale and good thoughts and positive sunshine coming in with the inhale.
Sturdy Yourself with Mind Games
I made up a game called “Let’s see how far you can go.” game. When I am anxious before work or anytime I need to go somewhere I use this game to help propel me forward. It is just what it says. I see how far I can get through the day. I start with the drive. Let’s see if I can drive to work. If I feel like turning around, keep going. Let’s see if I can make it there. Once there I say, let’s see if we can try to start the day feeling like this. Then let’s see if we can go another hour, and it continues until most of the times the anxiety subsides and the game fades.
Sturdy Yourself in Song
The lyrics from the song in the beginning of this post is one of the songs on my “Sturdy Yourself” playlist. Mine is at least 100 songs long but I will give you a little taste of some of the songs on there. Maybe some will help you. I suggest you make yourself a playlist!
Age of Worry – John Mayer
Brave – Sara Bareilles
Living in the Moment – Jason Mraz
Think Good Thoughts – Colbie Caillat
Marchin On – One Republic
Darlin Do not Fear – Brett Dennen
Every Storm Runs out of Rain – Gary Allan
Life Happens – Brandon and Leah
This is just a small sampling, I have 100’s. Maybe I will post the entire list one day!
Sturdy yourself in Gratitude
I have a gratitude journal app on my phone that makes it super simple to write down the things you are grateful for. Focusing on the positive in your life is a no brainer as to why it would help eliminate negative thoughts. By taking five minutes to write down all the things you are grateful for today, you are forcing your mind down a positive path.
Sturdy Yourself with Universal Love
One of the best things I have ever signed up for is daily Notes From the Universe. A mantra I constantly repeat when things in my head or life gets crazy is “The Universe loves and supports me.” By believing that and truly accepting it, you are trusting in the Universe that it supports you no matter what and the right thing will always be done. I believe that anxiety at the heart and center of it is fear. Fear is based on not trusting and the unknown. Trust the unknown, and the Universe and know that you are part of the Universe just like every other living organism. We are one. The world is not out to get you, the Universe will support you if you trust it. I suggest you sign up for these emails. They are quite beautiful and poignant. Sign up here: Notes From the Universe
Sturdy Yourself with Positive Quotes
I have a sheet full of positive quotes or passages in books that have really helped me. I keep them altogether on one sheet, in my purse for easy access. I refer back to them whenever I need a lift. A good resource is Tiny Buddha
These are just a few of my “Sturdy Yourself” action plan items. Put together your own plan, use my ideas, use ideas that have worked for you in the past and develop your own plan of attack. We all get a little unstable sometimes but it does not mean you cannot be fixed. A wobbly leg table can be fixed so can you! This morning I was thinking of how I use to be and I would immediately turn around and go home and how weak and worse that made me. I felt bad about myself for not being able to “Sturdy Myself” and how small and hopeless I felt. I know it does not have to be like that. Like I have said time and time, anxiety is a muscle that needs to be worked out to become stronger. Every day that I sturdy myself some more, it is making me stronger. The alternative, succumbing to it all and crawling into a ball is not something I want to do again so like the song in the beginning says, I am ready to be a Hercules.